Your Ceremony Checklist: The 5 Most Important Things to Bring on Your Wedding Day

So, I’ve been professionally officiating weddings since 2017, 2016 if you count my friend Zeke’s wedding, which was the first. Since then, I have seen a few wedding day mishaps. Here is a checklist of things you need to remember to bring to the ceremony on your wedding day.

1. YOUR MARRIAGE LICENSE. This is A-number-one, in bold, and in all caps because it is that important. You cannot be legally married if the marriage license is not present at the ceremony site on the wedding day.

When couples book with me, one of the first things I do is to explain this verbally, in the Service Agreement, and in the first email I send them right after they have signed the Service Agreement. In that email I also provide the links to the appropriate County Clerk’s offices along with guidance on the timeline of when to apply for the license and where to go in case they need an alternate Clerk’s office (for example, right now during the pandemic, LA County has not had enough appointments available for couples and so many of my couples have been going to either Orange or Riverside Counties).

The day before the wedding, I remind the couple again to bring their license. If they’ve scheduled a rehearsal, I advise them to bring it to the rehearsal and then they don’t have to worry about it the day of. To keep up with the letter of the law, I still bring the license to the ceremony in that case, making sure the license is present at the ceremony. I then sign it right afterward.

In the years I’ve been doing weddings, only one couple forgot to bring the marriage license. Well, technically half of the couple. The other half of the couple was patiently waiting in her private suite, all dressed in her gown and ready to go, while he asked his brother to drive to the couples’ apartment to pick up the license, which he had left on the kitchen table. This was on a Friday evening. In Los Angeles.

As you can imagine, it took the brother a long time. The venue coordinator couldn’t hold the ceremony any longer. So I proceeded to perform the ceremony, with the couple knowing full well that if the license wasn’t there, I wouldn’t be able to pronounce them married. Luckily, the brother arrived halfway through the ceremony, with the license in hand. He was certainly the hero of the day.

2. The props, equipment, supplies, etc. for any rituals.

If you plan to do a Unity Candle Ceremony, a Sand Ceremony, a Hand-Fasting Ceremony, the Lasso or Lazo, the Arras, or anything of the sort, you need to remember to bring these.

Now you’re probably thinking, well of course I’d remember that. Think again.

This is rarely a problem, but I have seen it happen. There was the groom who forgot both the lazo and the arras. His soon-to-be wife was devastated, but trying to hide it. Luckily, because I am an Interspiritual* minister, I am very familiar with other rituals that are similar to these traditions, so I was able to improvise for them.

To replace the lazo ceremony, we did the Veil Ceremony, or as it is known in Spanish, la ceremonia de velación. I brought both sets of parents up, just as we were going to do with the lazo, and I took the bride’s veil and wrapped it around both her and her soon-to-be-husband. I then had the parents give them the same blessing they would’ve given had it been the lazo. It was beautiful and had the same effect of them being united.

Couple covered by veil in veil ceremony.

For the arras, we didn’t have the coins, but I had written a ceremony for them where each coin symbolized a virtue they wanted to uphold in their marriage, so I just spoke about those virtues. By the time I got to “Patience” and “Forgiveness,” which both happened to be one right after the other, the bride had stopped trying to hold back her disappointment, and started laughing instead. Everyone started laughing. It was actually quite a beautiful moment in the ceremony. A moment of grace for all involved.

Since then, there have been two more weddings where something similar: a missing Unity Candle set that was quickly replaced with a single candle found on a shelf at the venue, which led to a lovely photo of the couple holding the candle together; and forgotten cords for hand-fasting which ended up being replaced by the candle and wine ritual in Tim Burton’s, The Corpse Bride, which I personally think ended up being way better because of how sweet and unique it was.

Now, I was able to help quickly replace the planned rituals with something just as lovely, but I’m sure it would have been a lot less stressful for everyone if the ritual items had been remembered.

Here’s my tip: Put someone in charge of these items and be clear on whose responsibility it is. Also, make sure that someone isn’t either of you! You have enough to worry about on your wedding day. If you have a wedding planner or coordinator, both of which I highly recommend because of situations like these, they can make sure everything is in its place and runs smoothly. If you don’t have a planner or coordinator though, then consider asking your most Type A, organized friend. Or, if your rituals involve someone else like your padrinos for the lazo or the coins, then put them in charge of those pieces, since that is technically their traditional role anyway.

3. Your Vows

If you decide to write your own vows, then make sure you bring them with you. You can have your best person hold them for you if you like.

Also, make sure whoever is officiating your wedding has a copy. I always ask couples to email me a copy of their vows before the wedding. One reason is because I help them with the vows if they need my help, but also so that there is a backup copy just in case either person in the couple forgets them.

And don’t worry, if you want your vows to stay a surprise, that is absolutely possible. Just email them directly to your officiant and let them know that you want them to be a surprise on the wedding day. Your officiant should make sure to bring the copy without including it in any draft of your ceremony that has been shared with your partner.

4. The Rings!

Now, don’t worry. I have yet to see anyone forget the rings, but I’m sure it has happened. So please make sure to remember these and make sure whoever is holding them during the ceremony gets them on time and realizes what an honorable duty this is.

If you are going to have a ring bearer who is a small child, make sure there is an adult who is ultimately in charge of helping this child with the rings and the rings themselves.

5. A Sense of Surrender and Ease

Finally, after all the months (even years) of planning, the day has arrived. It’s time for you to enjoy the fruits of your labor. The day goes by so fast, so remember, whatever happens, enjoy it and don’t sweat the small stuff. Be present for your day and let the other people you’ve entrusted with the details do their job. Like I told the couple with the missing lazo and arras, whatever happens was meant to be and is therefore perfect as it is. It may even make you laugh.

*For my explanation of Interspiritual, visit my Home Page

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